Sabisha suffers from early onset hearing loss and she’s been on a journey from denial to grudging acceptance and finally to taking action. Here is her story:
Written By: Sabisha Shrestha Edited by: Binisha Shrestha
Absolute silence may be “normal” for people who are born deaf because they have never experienced what it sounds like. However, if you have hearing loss later in life, you have a new “normal” and you need to learn to adapt to it. It may become devastating and may take time to accept that fact. This is the story of my journey of hearing loss.
It was senior year in my college in the US when I started having a problem understanding my teachers in class. I thought it was maybe because I was far from them or I was not paying attention. I started having trouble to hear if my roommate spoke to me from other room. One of my friends also made a funny comment that I need to get my ears checked. Then, I decided to go see an audiologist and get a hearing test.
I was told that I have mild bilateral sensorineural hearing loss and suggested on getting hearing aids. As I was driving back home, tears couldn’t stop rolling down as I was devastated that this really was happening to me. I couldn’t process this news and was on total shock.
I called in sick at work. Suddenly, I heard ringing in my ears and I wasn’t sure what was happening. I had to turn on some music to stop paying attention to that noise. And that ringing has not stopped to this day and it probably never will!
In my follow up visit with the audiologist, I found out, that noise was called tinnitus, phantom sounds that I hear which are not real. I am not sure if the shock on that day triggered my tinnitus or I always had it. There is no cure for tinnitus, only white noise therapy options are available.
My sister and I were both born as hearing. My dad had gradual hearing loss which started in his late twenties. Then it was followed by my sister around the same age. My family thought it was due to her middle ear infections as a kid, which led her to the loss. We did not think this to be hereditary until I started showing symptoms of hearing loss around same age. We have a brother and he does not have this loss.
It took me quite some time to accept the fact that I am hard of hearing. I was in denial. I was so ashamed to tell anyone like I had STD or something. I couldn’t picture myself wearing hearing aids and I couldn’t afford them back then. I was an international student studying in US and my insurance did not cover them.
I kept putting it off like the hearing loss would go away on its own. I graduated from college and moved to Virginia for graduate school. Again, I was having same trouble hearing my teachers in class.
I went to see another audiologist. She said the same thing the previous audiologist had said and advised getting hearing aids. One pair of the cheapest hearing aid cost $1,500 in 2010 and it was way more than I could afford. I decided on getting one hearing aid for my right ear and they let me pay in instalments.
My audiologist did say I have bilateral hearing loss so getting one hearing aid would be like wearing glasses in one eye but at that point of life as a graduate student with heavy student loans, that’s all I could afford! I bought one beige CIC (completely in canal) kind hearing aid because I was very ashamed that others will see that I was wearing a hearing aid.
Time went on, I felt little easier to talk about it, admit that I have hearing loss and I knew it was going to progress in the same manner like my father and sister’s hearing loss had progressed. Today, I am at moderate to severe stage. Hearing aids help on amplifying the volume but they do not give perfect hearing like eyeglasses does for vision correctness.
There is still no cure but some clinical trials are going on. I need subtitles to watch TV otherwise I cannot understand them. Brain does this to us, if you can’t hear for a certain time of period, it starts to think, it doesn’t need it anymore and stops hearing that word altogether!
I did not realize until this Covid-19 time, how much I needed to look at person’s lips. Now that everyone is wearing their mask, it becomes very frustrating to communicate. I work in a blood bank in US. My work has accommodated me with a special phone that connects with my hearing aids.
I am grateful for Human resource law here in US that accommodates disabled workers. In Nepal, there is no such law to help or protect their employees. This is also one of the reasons, I do not want to return back. People are also not considerate about talking to deaf or hard of hearing folks.
Because hearing loss usually occurs so gradually, most people find ways to cope with it. Some are exceptionally good at bluffing or “filling in the blanks” of conversations-until they just can’t cover it up anymore. Most people who have a hearing problem don’t realize what a drag it can be for your spouse and friends.
If you had a friend with bad eyesight who kept bumping into furniture or falling down or misreading important labels, you’d make them visit an eye doctor. For some reason, this kind of cause-and-effect social pressure doesn’t always apply when it comes to hearing loss.
Humans are social animals, and we use our hearing for many important things. In particular, when you start to remove a person’s ability to communicate well – and create strain, anxiety, and problems for them in communicating with their spouse, friends, relatives, or co-workers – it shouldn’t be a shock that bad things happen.
Untreated hearing loss robs us of our self-confidence, spontaneity, independence and, frankly, many of the things that make life joyful. It can also hinder your academic performance, career, and income. So, it shouldn’t be surprising that all kinds of studies – research going back more than three decades now – show that better hearing leads to a better quality of life. I follow research on sensorineural hearing loss and I am hopeful something will come up in few years.
Cochlear implant is also my option down the road. Whatever option I may choose, I have learnt to adapt to it, live with it. And that’s why I’ll bring readers back to where I started: you only have about 12,000 hair cells in your inner ear for hearing. When those cells die, you don’t get them back. So, don’t burn them foolishly. And be sure to get your hearing tested, and seek help if you think you might have a hearing loss.
